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My first gay experience was not how I’d imagined it. Not at all.

My first gay experience

See, I’d always imagined myself as the kind of guy whose first time would be with someone they really loved. Like, get to know someone, go on cute dates and shit, make out a lot. And if there’s a real connection, well... Think dimmed lights, some scented candles, and a baller playlist to set the mood. It’d be magical.

At least, that’s the way I saw it then, in my head. It’s honestly not my fault that I’ve never gotten to the “real connection” bit.

Men are trash.

Lying, cheating trash. All of them.

(Okay, maybe not all of them. But still enough of them.)

The first guy I dated was kind of all right. I mean, I could see it happening with him. There’d been some making out already, and I was starting to feel butterflies – until I found out he was dating not one, but two other guys while he was dating me. Keeping his options open.

It’s only been downhill from there. The next two guys were only in it to get laid, and the one after that dumped me for my best friend. Gay dating is wild.

And so there I was, going on twenty-two, and still a virgin. I was getting desperate. I was starting to re-evaluate my principles and life choices.

MY FIRST GAY EXPERIENCE

I was horny as fuck all. The. Time.

So I did what any sensible boy my age does and installed a hookup-app on my phone. (Okay, I installed several. Again. I’m not a complete prude; I had most of the apps before, but I always ended up deleting them after a few days. Sometimes after a few hours. There’s only so many unsolicited dickpics I can handle, although that depends on who is sending them.)

At first, I was just looking around. Browsing what was on offer, so to speak. Sometimes one thing led to another and conversations got a bit “heated”, if you know what I mean. And for a while, that was enough.

For a while.

I started to think how easy it would be to hook up with someone through the app and just be done with it. After all, everyone else was doing it. It’d never been easier to meet gay men. And being twenty-one and still a virgin, guys of all shapes and ages were practically flooding my DM’s. But there was still some part of me holding out for that magical first time experience, I guess.

A couple of times I came really close. I’d tell a guy I would come over, then I promptly lost my nerve and deleted the app. A couple of days later, I re-installed it. Rinse, repeat. One time, when I was alone in my dorm room, I went as far as to invite a guy over – and then I panicked when he was on his way, and deleted the app. That was a pretty shitty thing to do.

Anyway, this was supposed to be about my first gay experience, not about my bad etiquette on hookup apps.

Let me lay it out for you. I went out clubbing with my girlfriends – they were trying to make me feel better about the last guy I dated, the one who hooked up with my best friend instead – and I got completely rekt. Seriously. I don’t think I’d ever been so drunk in my life up until that point. And horny, though that had started before the drinking. I had already jerked off four times that day, and still my dick wouldn’t stay down.

So there I was, alone in my dorm room again, at quarter to midnight and too drunk for my own good. Five minutes later, I was going through my DM’s on Grindr. Another fifteen minutes later, I’d sent my location to a 25-year-old guy who told me he really wanted to suck my dick. Nothing else, just suck and go.

Like, I wouldn’t have gone for that, I think, if I hadn’t been drunk. But in that moment, the idea made me hard as a rock. He suggested I leave the door ajar so he could come in, which in retrospect doesn’t sound like the smartest plan in the world, but: horny and drunk.

And then I just... kind of sat there, on my single bed, heart hammering in my throat. I still think if I hadn’t been drunk, I would’ve deleted the app again. I almost did, but I got a message.

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I’m here.

My mouth went dry (but my dick stayed up). I briefly considered deleting the app anyway, but then I heard the front door close. Shit. Of course, I’d left the door ajar. Well, no way back now. I sent a reply.

Second door on your right.

He came in a few seconds later – it felt like hours to me. I was basically shivering with nerves and anticipation.

Neither of us said anything. I didn’t even really get a good look at him, since I’d turned off the light in my room before he arrived. He didn’t need any light for what he was about to do, anyway. As soon as he found me sitting on the bed, he went down on his knees in front of me.

I felt his face press down on my crotch. A tingle went through my entire body. It felt so weird to have my erection touched by someone who wasn’t me. Within seconds, he was pulling my pants down while I tried to keep my balance in the bed. And then he took me in his mouth. It felt different than I’d imagined it. Very different than masturbating. He explored me for a while, moving slowly, but then quickly found a good rhythm.

I moaned. That happened pretty much automatically. I placed one hand on his head, whispered (slurred, probably) “I’m close.” He took me in deeper and made a sound as if he were choking. I still remember that small sound. It set me off right away.

I’m not even sure five minutes had passed since he came in up until I blew my load down his throat. He didn’t complain, though, and took it all in. After that, without another word, he got up and left.

Like I said, not how I’d imagined it at all.

But it makes for a great story.

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