Speaking of Foreplay

Since men and women have different patterns of sexual arousal, foreplay has been used to get the woman involved, ready, wet, and panting for "The Real Thing." Vaginal intercourse has always been viewed as the ultimate aim of straight sex, everything else demoted to "foreplay," "second best," or even "perversion."

Gay sex, on the other hand, is blessedly free of gender-based imbalances, and so the whole idea of foreplay is pretty well moot. Queer guys get to set their own priorities. For every gay man who views butt-sex as the be-all and end-all, there's somebody out there who'd prefer to play with feet or armpits or tits. Many a gay guy has gone through life giving head and never getting humped and felt just fine about it, thank you very much.

Indeed, many hot scenes may downplay or even eliminate penetration of any kind. A lot of S/M is like that; plenty of leathersex players would rather not include "regular sex" in a scene. A hot night of flogging or tit-play may not include hard-ons, much less orgasms, and yet be eminently satisfactory to all concerned.

And what about the less kinky guys among us? Well, one vanilla-ish friend told me about a recent evening when the sucking and screwing came early on, to be climaxed by a long hour or two of jacking off -- not even mutual masturbation -- accompanied by detailed verbal fantasies. By the usual standards, this scene -- starting rather than ending with penetration -- went backwards, but the big smile on your friend's face will tell you a tale of satisfaction.

Nobody's keeping score. There won't be a final exam. If your idea of sexual bliss is watching porn with a buddy while you stroke each other, find a friend and go do it. Though oral and anal sex do have pleasures and intensities all their own, so does having somebody lick your ear. And whatever gets you off, even if you don't come, is real sex, not "just foreplay."

Here's where communication skills and an open mind can come in real handy. Why assume that a particular guy will or won't be into certain things? Talk about it -- before, during, and even after. If your partner suggests trying stuff you've never even thought of, you might want to try it. Even if shoving your socks in a guy's mouth seems weird at first, why not see what pleasure you can derive from it? And watch how you're getting him off -- doesn't that make you hard?